How was I to know…

He begged me to open those doors

I resisted, he insisted.

 

I was all alone and I knew

that if I opened those doors

It would be devastation

All over again.

 

Would it be that bad?

Don’t you hear the pleading in his voice?

 

He said, he loved me.

 

Wasn’t that a safe word?

How was I to know?

 

He asked me

to take off my clothes

And trust him. Feel his breath

And lie next to him.

 

Maybe just this one time

Maybe one last time…

But how was I to know?

 

They said don’t go out at night

There are monsters there.

But what about the days at home

 

Didn’t they know there were monsters there too?

That part, I knew.

 

I did as I was told.

Every single time.

Countless times.

Over days, months and years.

 

Something inside me said No.

But he won each time.

With his soft hands caressing

my parts. Numbing me to a silence

that was screaming within.

 

Should I tell someone or

will this be our little secret?

 

I succumbed to his desire

Lay there motionless as he said,

Good girls don’t kiss and tell.

 

How was I to know?

I was all of six…

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